European Headliner Tour Part Two!

Good god damn, I gotta keep on this thing. What do I have like fourteen days to catch up on? With the way I type it will be another two before I’m done writing this entry, so I better keep it short and sweet.

Paris, France 4/11/12

This quite possibly could have been the hottest rock show since the dawn of civilization. It got so hot that Aaron stripped completely down to his underwear mid set, revealing what seems to be a union suit made out of woolly mammoth hair.

Some crowd members joined the fun and just went buck nanners:

Yup. And he was crowd surfing…


Tilburg, Netherlands (Roadburn Festival) 4/12/12

Check this shit out:

That’s right Red Fang beer, brewed just for Roadburn. That gave us ten cases, and that is why this is the only picture I have from Roadburn.

Torhout, Belgium 4/13/12

Right outside the door to the club was a six-by-six enclosed sort of corral with this sign in the middle:

He looks like he’s either having some troubles getting that thing out or he went a little heavy on the jalapenos the night before.

Marbehaben, Belgium 4/14/12

I have been to almost every show that Red Fang has ever played and I can say without a doubt that this was the drunkest crowd I have ever seen.

I should have been tipped off when before we loaded in there was puke splatter and a roach in the bathroom sink.

We’re talking, what appeared to be teenage kids, with their parents, barfing in the hallways:

It was like a high school dance sponsored by Bacardi and Ipecac.


Southampton, UK 4/15/12

I’m not sure if you guys out there have ever noticed but the boys wear the same clothes on stage every night. This high side of this is it cuts laundry in about half. The shit-covered side of the coin is that they carry around these sweat-drenched rags from show to show hoping they dry out overnight or they kind find a heater to dry them on:

Look at that hotbed of bacteria. I bet there is shit growing in there that could cure diseases that haven’t even been discovered yet. The bouquet coming out of this bag alone could gag a mortician:

Manchester, UK 4/16/12

Let’s play a little game called The Sleepy Time Championships with Aaron, Igor, Bryan and Athon:

Athon opens by cramming himself into a chair:

Aaron counters with the bomb shelter defense:

Igor comes out swinging with the old sleeping upright in the van with a water bottle pillow:

Not to be out done, Bryan whips out hanging half out of the loft offensive:

But Athon unleashes the deathblow with the mid-club/ on top of the table/ using a pack of water bottles in a beanie as a pillow for the win.

Well played gentlemen, well played.

Wrexham, UK 4/17/12

Wrexham? It damn near killed ‘em.

London, UK 4/18/12

Had a couple hours to kill before the show so the boys went and soaked in the sights in only the way Red Fang could:

After the show we made some new friends:

Then went for a couple light snacks.

Nijmegen, Netherlands 4/19/12

From what I heard people were literally hanging from the rafters at this show. I wouldn’t know because the room the show was happening in was like twenty feet away from the merch zone, and you know, that’s real far to walk.

Leeuwarden, Netherlands 4/20/12

We played in a prison. Do know how much ammo that gives me? There’s the whole “it was only a matter of time til we ended up here” angle. The fact that the word warden is in the name of the city. The Johnny Cash “Live at Leeuwarden Prison” slant where I make the boys come off like the c-string band at the Grand Ole Opry. And who can forget all the prison sex references! Holy crapballs, the prison sex references…

But instead when I think of Leeuwarden this will be forever burnt in my brain:

Yeah, try forgetting that.

It kind of makes me want to rip my eyeballs out and punch them for letting this image get into my brain.



Berlin, Germany (Desertfest) 4/21/12

By this point in the tour John’s hands were doing their best impression of a pepperoni pizza:

Which made him found new ways to take care of his daily needs:

Athens, Greece 4/22/12

We woke up way to early and hopped a flight all the way to Greece where we did not see Olivia Newton John or John Travolta once. Total rip off.

It wasn’t a total wash; we got to soak in a couple of the sites during the day. Made the hike up to the Acropolis:

Saw some local artists working on their craft:

After the show I met what is most likely the only person in Greece that reads the blog:

Who is probably going to be bummed that I’m so crisp right now that I can’t even come up with a segue for this:

That isn’t even photoshopped! Dude looks like a sketch in George Lucas’s “Creatures for Return Of The Jedi” diary.

Helsinki, Finland 4/24/12

Here is what I can tell you about Helsinki. They love some Karaoke. To the point that they see no reason you should not continue your serenading mid wiz.

Hamburg, Germany 4/25-26/12

Lots of people ask if we have picked up any of the languages on our travels. The truth is weare usually in one spot just long enough  to learn the survival basics such as: “One beer please,” and “Where is the hospital?,” but we have spent a pretty good amount of time in Germany on the last few tours and have figured out the basics.

Everyone in the US knows that when speaking to a Spanish speaker all you do is add “O” to the end of every word and speak louder, German is not that simple. There is no less than three ways to speak the native tongue of Deutschland.
1)    Respond to whatever people say to you by saying “Scheisse” in whatever inflection you think appropriate.
2)    Take the English noun and verb that best describes what you are trying to do, add “en” to the end of each word, and then cram them together. For example if you are trying to find the bathroom you would simply walk up to someone and say “Poopen-splashen?”
3)    Ask them if they speak English. They all do, and usually better than us.



—Coyle

Tour To Live!

Europe Headliner Week One!

Damn, it’s been a wile since I had the time to put one of these thing together. Almost forgot how to do it. Then I remembered the formula:1) Take photos of friends 2) Make fun of them. Not really that hard. So for those that don’t know we are on our first headlining tour in Europe right now with our new homies Black Tusk and it feels good. Like, cigarette after sex good. I myself was pretty excited to see our name on the top of one of these for once:

Sexy isn’t it?

Alright let’s get to the shit.

Segrate, Italy 4/5/12


After taking a flight that looked like this:

We landed in Zurich and jumped in the van towards Milan where we met our promoter Carrado. It was at this time that we learned he would be traveling with us to the next show in Rome. We were already packed in the van butts to nuts but made room for this hulk of a man who spent the majority of the seven-hour drive like this:
A foot from my face.

Bryan, on the other hand, went for the more comfortable floor route:





We also have Whitey with us for the first week and last week of the trip. You may remember Whitey from such of our videos as: all of them. He is the one that wrote, directed and paid for every one. While it’s great to have him along this is getting a little old:

Rome Italy 4/6/12
One thing I love about Europe is the subtle differences. While in the US a gumball machine gives you, well, gumballs in Europe you can get this:
I know what your thinking and the answer is yes we did try to buy some. But the damn thing must have a creepy homeless looking /possible-sex-offender/dudes with food in their beards and piss stained pants sensor on it because it wouldn’t work for any of us.

Speaking of creepy sex offenders, you don’t even want to ask how I got this photo:

Montecchio Maggiore, Italy 4/7/12

I can’t even remember what happened at this show. This is the only picture I have from that night:
Which explains a lot now that I think about it.


Bulle, Swizerland 4/8/12

Meet Black Tusk’s merch/ sound guy Igor, the Mad Russian:

Igor is a special breed, while David and myself are not afraid to order from the stunt menu at most fast food joints or truck stops Igor takes it to another level. For instance this:
That would be a salmon sandwich from a gas station. FROM A FUCKING GAS STATION! That thing should come with a Mr. Yuk sticker, a diaper and a list of E.R.’s in the area.


The show that night was so crazy that in the middle of the set—John just ‘sploded:
It was very Spinal Tap.

Clermont Ferrand, France 4/9/12

We arrived to a note in the bathroom from our old friend Will:

The club was an awesome DIY spot called Le Raymond’s Bar that was sort of illegal which made smoking indoors okay. David took full advantage of it putting down whole packs at a time:

That night we all shared a room and us Red Fangers got to learn the ways of Igor’s snoring . It should have been no surprise that a man who ingests pounds of mystery meats and gallons of beer would sound like a lion in a wood chipper while he sleeps. When I asked Aaron where he was rated among snorers of the world this was his response:
Look at this photo:
That’s not blurry. His snoring actually causes a ripple in the space/time continuim. He is traveling through time right here.

Nantes, France 4/10/12


John got all arty on this crowd shot. What an asshole.



I could talk about the nice people and the beautiful scenery such as this that we came across in Nantes:
But I can’t get this out of brain:
I have one question for you: Am I crazy or does this say The 4 Hor Semen?

I’m not sure what Hor Semen is, but I know for a fact that I don’t need four of them.

—Coyle

Tour To Live!